Q: Hey, Ayumi. I’m hoping you can help with this problem. My best friend has always been a bit of a tomboy and loads of people make fun of her for it. They pick on her for not wearing makeup and “dressing like a boy”. I know it really gets to her but she never wants to talk about it. I feel so horrible for never sticking up for her, but I’m afraid they might start picking on me too. It’s so unfair that girls get called "tomboys" and boys get called "girly" as if those are things to be ashamed of. Anyway, I need to know how to help her - I feel like such a bad friend for not doing anything.
A: Hi and thanks for your message. The problem you’ve described sounds like your friend is being bullied. It’s an all too common problem, and it shouldn’t be. As you said, it’s unfair to judge people on the clothes they wear or the style of clothes they choose. Some girls like wearing boys’ clothes and some boys like wearing girls’ clothes. What’s wrong with that? As to how to help your friend, there are a few things you can do. Firstly, you’re helping her just by being there and being her friend. It might not seem like much, but it makes more of a difference than you think. Secondly, encourage her to ignore the comments. Easier said than done, I know, but bullies look for a reaction and if they don’t get one, they could get bored and leave her alone. However, if dealing with it on your own doesn’t work, you’ll need to speak to a teacher or parent who can take care of this. It’s so important to let an adult know so they can put an end to it. Hopefully, some of this advice was useful and things get better for your friend. Ayumi
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Q: Hi Ayumi. I got asked out by a guy in my year, who happens to be one of my good mates. He's really fit and everyone's saying I should go out with him. All my friends have boyfriends so I feel really left out but I don't feel like I'm ready to date yet. I don't know how to turn him down without hurting his feelings, so maybe I should go out with him? I’m so confused!
A: Thanks for your message! You’re in a tricky situation here, but there’s only one way to deal with this. You need to tell this guy exactly what you’ve just told me - that you’d rather stay friends than risk a relationship. As you said, you don't know if you want to date yet and that's perfectly fine. Don't say yes to him unless you're fully committed to being in a relationship - this will only end in disaster. You could risk losing a good friend this way too (trust me - been there, done that). The best thing you can do is tell him you like him but only as a friend You said you feel left out, but remember, dating isn't a race and relationships aren't a game. Don't feel pressured into dating just because your friends are and want you to - that's not a good enough reason! It's better to wait until you meet someone you really like than go out with the first boy that asks you. Hope it works out well for you! Ayumi Q: I'm in year 11 now and next year I'll be doing my a levels. I really want to take music because I'd love to go into a musical career, but my parents want me to take all three sciences and maths. They want me to study medicine at university and then become a doctor, but singing is my passion and I'd love to make a career out of it. I don't know what to do and I haven't spoken to my parents about this either. What should I do?
A: Hey, thanks for your message. I understand what you're feeling, and how hard it is to want to do one thing, while your parents want you to do another, but the first thing you should do is speak to your parents about this. Whether it's a proper sit down conversation, or something you casually bring up, your parents need to be aware of how you’re feeling and involved in a decision like this. If they don’t come round to your way of thinking, you’ll need to come up with a compromise. How about taking the subjects your parents want you to do, and taking music lessons out of school? However, I do think it's wise to mention at this point that being successful in the music industry is incredibly difficult so if it doesn't work out, you need to have a backup plan anyway. But as I said, talk to your parents first, try and get them to see things from your point of view and hopefully, everything goes okay for you. Let me know how it goes! Ayumi Q: Hey, here's my problem - I'm going out with this guy (let's call him Alex), but he’s my best friend’s ex. My friend started dating Alex about a year ago but a couple of months ago, they broke up. I was still friends with Alex and I found myself liking him, which led to us dating. We've managed to keep it a secret from everyone, including my best friend, but I feel awful for being so secretive. I know what I'm doing is wrong and that I might ruin my friendship, but I get on so well with Alex and I'd hate to have to stop seeing him. I need advice on what to do!!
A: Hi and thank you for your message! The first thing I would say to you is think to yourself: is this guy really worth ruining a friendship over? If the answer is yes, then you should come clean to your friend and see how she takes it. In the case that she, understandably, reacts badly, you need to give her space but be warned, you may lose your friend permanently. However, if you value your friendship more than your relationship, you need to break it off with your boyfriend and come clean to your friend as soon as you can. Personally, I think a friend’s ex is totally out of bounds and this is a situation to avoid at all costs, but if you really think you could see yourself with him long term, you need to reassess your friendship and maybe even give each other some time and space. In an ideal situation, you would be able to keep both your best friend and your boyfriend, but as that’s unlikely, you need to choose. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you feel like you make the right decision and that this advice has helped you. Ayumi |
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February 2017
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