Q: Hi Ayumi,
I really want a dog but my parents won't let me. They say that I'm not responsible enough, and if I want a pet, I have to show them how responsible I can be. I've already had a hamster (which died but it wasn't my fault) so I don't see what the difference is. What can I do to persuade them that I'm responsible enough to look after a dog without actually having one? A: Thanks for the question! The first thing you need to understand about having a pet, is that they require a lot of time and attention, no matter what the animal. Also, I can pretty safely say that dogs need a lot more care than hamsters. You need to ask yourself if you're really ready to sacrifice your own time to look after a dog seeing as it would be your responsibility. Having a dog means taking it for two walks a day for at least 30 minutes, making sure you feed them enough, taking them to the vet if and when they need vaccinations or medical care, as well as cleaning up after all the mess they make, both inside and outside the house. If you honestly feel like you can handle everything, you should try researching the specific breed you want, to show your maturity and responsibility, but constantly begging for a dog won't persuade your parents, and will get annoying very quickly. Good luck, but remember: dogs aren't not just toys you can throw away when you're bored with them. Ayumi
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Q: Hey hun, I've got a problem - I got dumped by my boyfriend over the holidays and I was dealing with it pretty well because I didn't have to see him, but it's a lot harder now we're back at school since I have all the same classes with him and he's in my form. My question is how would you get over an ex (that you don't get on with) when you still have to see them around all the time?
A: Alright, first of all, breakups suck enough as it is. To have to see your ex all the time (especially if you guys ended badly) is going to make it harder, but there are still things you can do to deal with it. Firstly, make sure you surround yourself with as much positivity as you can, whether that's from friends or doing things you enjoy. Friends are so important in supporting you through a breakup and with any luck, you'll feel better just by being around them enough. Secondly, do things that you enjoy. I cannot stress this enough but you need to spend time doing things that make you happy and take your mind off it. On a more superficial note, treating yourself and dressing to impress (even if you're not trying to impress anyone) can make you feel a lot more confident about yourself, which is something you'll need at this stage. Most of all, don't give yourself a hard time for anything you feel - you might feel bad about yourself, it might feel a bit awkward, and it'll hurt for a time, but all this is normal so let yourself feel however you want. With time, it'll feel better, and that's important to remember - it might suck now, but you will feel better and you will move on. It's such a hard situation to be in, but you'll come out the other side so much better off. Good luck in the meantime! Ayumi Q: Hi Ayumi. I probably have to start wearing glasses soon and I'm afraid I'll look really nerdy and everyone will laugh at me. How can I avoid it and if they do laugh, how do I stop them? Thanks a lot!
A: Hi there and thanks for the question! I'd say that the best thing to do is to get your optician's advice and ask what kind of frames would suit your face shape (for example, geometric frames tend to suit round faces while curved frames look best on square faces). I never asked for advice from my optician, so it took a few years before I actually found a pair that suited me - try and avoid this or one day you'll look back on old photos and get all embarrassed! If you choose a frame you really like and suit you, you'll find that they soon become a part of you and people won't notice them anymore, let alone laugh. If you find that you hate wearing glasses, even after a few months, you could consider trying contact lenses, but these are more expensive so you might want to discuss this one with your parents first. Another thing I want to say is that you're not the only person who gets worried about these things - I was in exactly the same position when I started wearing glasses as I was the same age too. I was so worried that I'd get bullied for "looking like a nerd", but guess what? I never did; in fact, people complimented me and it made me so much more confident. The main thing to remember is that so many people wear glasses, and it really doesn't matter - I'm sure you'll still look gorgeous! Ayumi Q: Hey, Ayumi. I’m hoping you can help with this problem. My best friend has always been a bit of a tomboy and loads of people make fun of her for it. They pick on her for not wearing makeup and “dressing like a boy”. I know it really gets to her but she never wants to talk about it. I feel so horrible for never sticking up for her, but I’m afraid they might start picking on me too. It’s so unfair that girls get called "tomboys" and boys get called "girly" as if those are things to be ashamed of. Anyway, I need to know how to help her - I feel like such a bad friend for not doing anything.
A: Hi and thanks for your message. The problem you’ve described sounds like your friend is being bullied. It’s an all too common problem, and it shouldn’t be. As you said, it’s unfair to judge people on the clothes they wear or the style of clothes they choose. Some girls like wearing boys’ clothes and some boys like wearing girls’ clothes. What’s wrong with that? As to how to help your friend, there are a few things you can do. Firstly, you’re helping her just by being there and being her friend. It might not seem like much, but it makes more of a difference than you think. Secondly, encourage her to ignore the comments. Easier said than done, I know, but bullies look for a reaction and if they don’t get one, they could get bored and leave her alone. However, if dealing with it on your own doesn’t work, you’ll need to speak to a teacher or parent who can take care of this. It’s so important to let an adult know so they can put an end to it. Hopefully, some of this advice was useful and things get better for your friend. Ayumi Q: Hi Ayumi. I got asked out by a guy in my year, who happens to be one of my good mates. He's really fit and everyone's saying I should go out with him. All my friends have boyfriends so I feel really left out but I don't feel like I'm ready to date yet. I don't know how to turn him down without hurting his feelings, so maybe I should go out with him? I’m so confused!
A: Thanks for your message! You’re in a tricky situation here, but there’s only one way to deal with this. You need to tell this guy exactly what you’ve just told me - that you’d rather stay friends than risk a relationship. As you said, you don't know if you want to date yet and that's perfectly fine. Don't say yes to him unless you're fully committed to being in a relationship - this will only end in disaster. You could risk losing a good friend this way too (trust me - been there, done that). The best thing you can do is tell him you like him but only as a friend You said you feel left out, but remember, dating isn't a race and relationships aren't a game. Don't feel pressured into dating just because your friends are and want you to - that's not a good enough reason! It's better to wait until you meet someone you really like than go out with the first boy that asks you. Hope it works out well for you! Ayumi Q: I'm in year 11 now and next year I'll be doing my a levels. I really want to take music because I'd love to go into a musical career, but my parents want me to take all three sciences and maths. They want me to study medicine at university and then become a doctor, but singing is my passion and I'd love to make a career out of it. I don't know what to do and I haven't spoken to my parents about this either. What should I do?
A: Hey, thanks for your message. I understand what you're feeling, and how hard it is to want to do one thing, while your parents want you to do another, but the first thing you should do is speak to your parents about this. Whether it's a proper sit down conversation, or something you casually bring up, your parents need to be aware of how you’re feeling and involved in a decision like this. If they don’t come round to your way of thinking, you’ll need to come up with a compromise. How about taking the subjects your parents want you to do, and taking music lessons out of school? However, I do think it's wise to mention at this point that being successful in the music industry is incredibly difficult so if it doesn't work out, you need to have a backup plan anyway. But as I said, talk to your parents first, try and get them to see things from your point of view and hopefully, everything goes okay for you. Let me know how it goes! Ayumi Q: Hey, here's my problem - I'm going out with this guy (let's call him Alex), but he’s my best friend’s ex. My friend started dating Alex about a year ago but a couple of months ago, they broke up. I was still friends with Alex and I found myself liking him, which led to us dating. We've managed to keep it a secret from everyone, including my best friend, but I feel awful for being so secretive. I know what I'm doing is wrong and that I might ruin my friendship, but I get on so well with Alex and I'd hate to have to stop seeing him. I need advice on what to do!!
A: Hi and thank you for your message! The first thing I would say to you is think to yourself: is this guy really worth ruining a friendship over? If the answer is yes, then you should come clean to your friend and see how she takes it. In the case that she, understandably, reacts badly, you need to give her space but be warned, you may lose your friend permanently. However, if you value your friendship more than your relationship, you need to break it off with your boyfriend and come clean to your friend as soon as you can. Personally, I think a friend’s ex is totally out of bounds and this is a situation to avoid at all costs, but if you really think you could see yourself with him long term, you need to reassess your friendship and maybe even give each other some time and space. In an ideal situation, you would be able to keep both your best friend and your boyfriend, but as that’s unlikely, you need to choose. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you feel like you make the right decision and that this advice has helped you. Ayumi |
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February 2017
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